Watching and Waiting

Yesterday was so intense. The vascular surgeon told me that mimi was having a bypass Thursday morning. He said the even with the cancer; he wanted her to have a quality of life. But then, he had to discuss the risk involved. In a HEALTHY person; there was a 5% chance of stroke, heart attack, clotting or death. Mimi=NOT HEALTHY. So after she returned from yet another test, I had to tell her about the surgery including the risk. You would have thought she would have been happy to hear about the surgery because that would relieve the pain in her foot. But she was scared. It was the first time I had seen my mimi cry. She had to go to the restroom to shed her tears and put on her strong front to my face. The pain in her foot was the reason she went to the doctor in the first place. The hardening of her arteries had ceased the circulation to her toes, which turned black and caused her the most pain she has ever experienced in her life. I knew she hurt. It broke my heart. I was happy about the surgery because it would relieve her pain. I was scared because of the risk. The doc seemed leery of the situation because of the condition of her lungs and that even made me more nervous. But, just the chance to relieve the pain in her foot was totally worth it.

That brings us here in the waiting room of surgery. Waiting for the outcome of the vascular bypass, hoping for all things positive. Hoping that she comes out without pain in her foot, so she can live her life to the fullest; at least what is left of it. Which brings me to the second portion of my stressful Wednesday....the cancer confirmation.

The oncologist had talked with her that morning and sent her for a PET scan. Granted, mimi was sick of test but I assured her it was for the better and it would help the doctor to confirm cancer. So she went and it was the most miserable test ever for her. Her foot hurt the worst it ever had and she could not move for 45 minutes. I felt miserable for her. But the biopsy results were due to be back and the oncologist was due to visit at any moment. Or so we thought. Instead there was a phone call from his nurse. She was very sweet and very apologetic that he could not be there in person. But the news was positive...for cancer that is. It was non-small cell lung cancer. What did that mean? Well...first it meant, I had to confirm my mimi's fear that she had cancer. Next...it meant she had cancer and that was the next battle.

But that is not my worry today. For now I am watching and waiting for the vascular surgeon (Mr. Hot Pants to mimi) and hoping for a brighter outlook.