Cancer Conundrum

Monday afternoon mimi was still in a haze and fog. Would there ever be relief? Would she ever be normal again? Or at least as normal as she was? The lung doctor had given my aunt some very disheartening news that afternoon. His prognosis for her mind was that she would never be self-sufficient again. She had lost too much oxygen to her brain for being unable to breath deeply and she was going to be in this state of fog for the next year of her life. Which brings me to the next oh so depressing news that he gave. He said although the cancer was contained in one area of her lung, it would take the removal of the entire lung to cure her. Then he gave the dreadful news that if he did perform the lung surgery, she would surely die. Without the lung surgery, year tops. WHAT? We already had one doc say less than a year with treatment followed by another that said it could be years and now this guy? A year? And not only that, but she would be crazy? I couldn't deal. I had to release, run, hide, something.

I called my husband to give him the news. Of course, he was just as frustrated as I was. Why was this roller coaster never ending? Why did they give false hope? What was going on over there? I was in such shock that I could not even cry. Was this how it was going to be the rest of her life? I need fresh air. I grabbed the pups and headed out for a walk. But that didn't help me to run away from my thoughts. That's the bad thing about thoughts. The remain in your brain. The pups were cute though, so that helped ease the tears.

Enjoying my second LARGE glass of vino that evening, I prayed that her mind would come back. So what if we only had a year, I wanted the old mimi with me! My memories of her just couldn't include crazy!! Pig sloppin, hog wash and that we were all devil worshippers!! I new the other three could not see her this way. It would break their heart.

I patiently awaited the call from my aunt on Tuesday. How had the night gone? Not well was the answer. But then...through the day, the fog was lifting. I had to teach two classes and it was generally my busy day so I would not visit the entertainment portion of the hospital visit. All reports by the evening was that she was better, making sense and not so crazy anymore. Praise the lord! Prayers were answered. But then I became angry at that damn doctor. Why did he scare us like that? I realized this emotional roller coaster was just getting started but did a doctor, a professional in his field, have to add an extra twist and turn for the hell of it? I just wanted to scream.

Mimi was transferred to her hometown hospital this morning. That's what she wanted and hopefully she would heal better there. My day with her is on Friday and I can't wait to see her, as long as she is still in the clear mind. The cancer conundrum will be left for another day. She has to heal from the bypass first and then the cancer options would surface. All systems point at chemo and radiation and that is only if she will take them. But for today, her mind is clearing up and she is in her comfortable spot. And that, for once, gives me peace.