Chocolate Gravy

So, went to visit Mimi last Friday and do some grocery shopping for Thanksgiving. My hubby and I have been summoned to go up early on Thursday and put together the chicken and dressing and the broccoli and cheese. These are two of Mimi's signature dishes and they must be at every holiday meal. The situation is bittersweet though, because she wants me to learn how to make these yummy dishes for future holiday meals. These are the meals that she may not get to attend, yet she wants her traditions to be alive and well. It was interesting for me to do the shopping and realize all of the ingredients to these "secret recipes" and how common they were!

Then comes the chocolate gravy. This is one of my most favorite meals from any grandmother but I especially love Mimi's. It was not too sweet and not too thick, just perfect to soak it some homemade buttermilk biscuits. And that is now my grandma's do it. The biscuits are still homemade and delicious. So after I went to the Kroger, we had a lesson in buttermilk biscuits and chocolate gravy and I learned this decades old tradition. And as Mimi and I sat there and enjoyed the meal we had made with love, it seemed to have tasted better than ever. A memory that I will always cherish. Buttermilk biscuits and chocolate gravy with Mimi. Yummy.

You already know how this will end...

Cancer...3 months, 6 months, 9 tops. Words that are all too familiar yet I cannot seem to absorb them into my heart. Dad had just called with the news. The doctor had laid it all out for Mimi and my aunt and just said..."hey, this is it. This is all we can do. It is your decision on treatment." So, Mimi made the decision that I secretly had been hoping she would make. To end chemotherapy. She was such a miserable person going to treatment and was burning bridges left and right with dad, my aunt, mom, me, the nurses, docs..you name it, she was horribly rude and mean too. It was unreal and very close to unbearable!

It was amazing the calm that followed the storm. I called to check on her Tuesday and she sounded happy and relieved that she had made this decision. The burden had been lifted from her shoulders and she had taken her life into her own hands...finally. She made her own personal decision. She didn't want to suffer through chemo and she would take radiation as long as it was not a burden on herself or anyone else. This was the end of the road though, the path of life had a ditch that was too burdensome to cross. But she was content with her decision, even though my gut hurt at the thought of letting her go. Tears fell from my eyes and my hubby, who is so wonderful, just let me cry and sink my sorrows in vino. I had never really been forewarned to let someone go and it was a difficult thought for me to grasp. But I had today, tomorrow and the holidays to enjoy with Mimi. And that is what I intended on doing this holiday season. I was going to enjoy and learn to cook the traditional meals, laugh at the stories told and always remember to say I love you. There will still memories to be made and I did not want to miss out on any of those chances.