Expect the worst but hope for the best.

Expect the worst but hope for the best. An optimistic saying I have heard my entire life. It's amazing how one phrase can be applied to so many different situations. "That test was a nightmare, there is no way I passed. " "My natural gas bill is going to be through the roof this month." "Maybe there is not a huge tumor in my right lung. " All of the prior phrases bring this one saying to mind. Expect the worst but hope for the best.

The news came about 3:30 p.m. yesterday. Cancer...CANCER...CANCER...the doctor told me about my mimi. "I do not feel it is worth it to operate because she has a large tumor in her right lung and it has spread to the lymph nodes. With treatment...less than a year." And that is when the dagger went through my gut. How dare this man put a timeline on my mimi's life! I knew it would be bad but this? My time is running out? The tears could not be held back anymore. His nurse looked at me with haunting compassion in her eyes and mouths "I'm sorry." They left and I crumbled. The optimistic soul left the room. Next up in hell....telling my mimi what the doc had said...telling my dad, my family that it was bad. The hope for the best had left the room.

So this is where the story will begin. From vascular surgery to cancer biopsy to hopefully taking her to her home where she can be comfortable. The biopsy is Monday. She is strong, a independent, hell-bent spitfire as some would say. She has always expected the worst and never hoped for the best....until now. She claims they do not know what they are talking about (the doctors), and that she is going to show them. I am at a loss. She, after 67 years, is hoping for the best. And that makes me strong. I couldn't help but tear up yesterday when she came in the room and we had to "talk". But leave it to mimi to say, "Well hell, no use in crying, I ain't dead yet." And then the laughter occurs and I think "I need to have that attitude. Enjoy the now and don't worry about the later." So that is where I stand at this moment in time.

Expect the worst but I am hoping and praying for the best.