Coming and going....to places unknown.

Sitting at the hospital watching my little mimi sleep (finally) pondering life and what the future may hold. They say we all have an average of 75 to 79 years of life before our bodies quit and send our souls to another dimension. What to do with this life? In this life? I wonder what my mimi is thinking at this moment. Lying here, 67 years old, thinking that they are going to give her a death sentence as a punishment for over 50 years of smoking. Just to get her to this point was a feat in itself. If her toes were not black and blue and she was not in pain (level 10 as she says) she wouldn't even be here now. Was it worth it?

Doctor appointment led to the next appointment which lead to a specialist which led to hospital which leads us to this room, the freezing cold room which milk chocolate colored walls and a window that has a view of the ugly, worn roof. The sad thing is that this could be the place where a person breathes his or her last breath, yet there is nothing comforting about this place. No warm-cooked breakfast of homemade biscuits and full-fat gravy feeling, no Christmas morning running to open gifts comfort. Just a cold, generic tiled room with a 20 year old television and paper thin sheets. But, she is still here and not going yet. And neither am I. I just wait. Wait for them to come and take her to get a CT Scan. Wait for the news...praying for the best...knowing it will not be what I want.

It seems as though the older one gets, the busier life is. Is it the evolution of society? Or are we all running away from reality so we occupy ourselves with stuff. From work to board meetings to events, it seems as though no one has time to enjoy each other and friends and family anymore. We are always coming and going, running like crazy, never slowing down. The roommate of my mimi's is a young gal, probably my age, who is here to get blood. After much speculation, I find out she has just taken another round of leukemia and has to have blood. Wow. So young, so full of life, so not me. She obviously loves her life and lives her life, even though she is facing an unknown disease. To me...that is brave..that is the kind of bravery I want to have...someday. I want my life to slow down to achieve this, please lord let me.

But back to mimi, she is finally waking and getting up to walk because her foot hurts. The foot that is black and blue and has no circulation due to smoking. Well, actually due to a hardening of the arteries which is caused by the 50 years of smoking. Could she be going? Maybe. But we all are coming and going in this life. Where you ask? To places unknown.